My eight-year old daughter, Meagan, is an awesome kid. She has always been more of a sensitive child and had big emotions. With those big emotions comes great passion; animals, creativity, nature and a big imagination. Since she was a baby, she would give the stink-eye if she didn’t like something or someone. She would have no problem sharing her opinions. I like to say she’s a modern day Anne of Green Gables.

I had to start this post with that story to help you understand her a bit more.

Fast forward to the Tuesday after the Easter Weekend.

I woke her up letting her know it was time to get up for school. She was NOT in the mood. She was tearful, cranky, grumpy…basically all of the emotions. I think she invented new ones. She didn’t want to go to school. I understood. Having a fun long weekend and then having to go back to school (or work) is hard. But she needed to go back.

It was getting later and later. Time was ticking.
I should I let you know that I HATE being late for anything.
She wasn’t dressed.
She hadn’t eaten breakfast.
The bus was coming in thirty minutes. It was the makings of a very suspenseful television show.

I had a choice to make: Get angry and tell her that she needed to get dressed because the bus was coming and that she needed to go to school.

OR . . .

Meet her where she was at.

I chose to meet her where she was at.

I hugged her. I told her I was sorry she was sad. I told her that it was so hard to go back to school after having such a long break. I told her tha I understood she loved being at home. I encouraged her that she could do hard things. I tried to remind her of the good things that would happen during her day. And I put a note in her lunch saying that I loved her and that I would be here when she got home.

Now, it wasn’t easy. I was still annoyed that her emotions came at an “inconvenient” time. I was stressed because she had twenty minutes before the bus came, and she still hadn’t gotten dressed and brushed her teeth and hair. But as the adult/parent I had to choose my reaction. I helped her along in the process to get ready. Helping her choose her outfit, giving her the time that she needed. I encouraged her and empathized. Again, not easy to do.

She got on the bus. I breathed a sigh of relief. I was exhausted! And it was only the morning!

That night, before bed, she said she needed to talk to me. Now, I’ve tried (not always succeeded) to drop everything when my children want to talk to me because it’s important to them. I feel that if they come to me with the small things, then they will feel comfortable coming to me with the big things later on.

I followed her upstairs. She stopped in the hallway, pulled me down to her level and gave me a big hug and said “Thank you for helping me this morning.”

In that moment I was so glad I chose to not let my frustration show. I was so glad that I helped her with her difficult morning. That hug meant the world to me.

Parenting can be awesome, annoying, wonderful, inconvenient, messy, and emotional. But as the adult and as the parent, we have a big responsibility to teach our children how to handle big, uncomfortable emotions. They look to us as their safe place. As we deal with this pandemic, our children will look to us more than ever. How are you handling these big feelings? Are you taking care of yourself as well? Both are important. Self care is not selfish. It’s essential. When we take care of ourselves, we are able to handle those big, stressful situations that life will ultimately throw at us sooner or later.

Written by Paula Dibbits, RECE, Parent Support Educator

Meagan's Bad Day