Why Can't I Keep that Resolution?

Resolutions are notoriously hard to keep.  Why don’t I have the will power? Why can’t I tough this out? It is stubbornly difficult to resist temptation and this is the primary reason resolutions are so hard to follow through on. What if there was a different way, another tool to help achieve our end that does not work by suppressing our desire for immediate pleasure but uses our social emotions. Gratitude, compassion and pride support positive aspects of social life, and unlike reason and willpower, they naturally help us to be patient and persevere. These emotions work by increasing how much we value the future.

For most of our evolutionary history what has far more likely led to success is strong social bonds- relationships that would encourage people to cooperate and support one another. We don’t normally calculate what’s to be gained by helping someone else. We just feel we should. It’s our emotions of gratitude, compassion, and an authentic sense of pride that push us to behave in ways that show self-control.

Feeling pride or compassion has been shown to increase perseverance on difficult tasks. Likewise, gratitude and compassion are related to better academic performance, a greater willingness to exercise and eat healthily, and lower levels of consumerism, impulsivity and tobacco and alcohol use. While these emotions enhance self-control they also combat loneliness. Those who are seen as grateful, warm and justifiably confident draw others to them.

Reflecting on gratitude, being led by compassion, and taking pride in the achievements you make towards your goals offer a better way to keep those resolutions.

Written by Joyce Williams, Parent Support Coach

Reference: David DeSteno, Professor of Psychology . Northeastern University & Author of the forthcoming book “Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion and Pride”