Building Resilience During Stressful Times
Helping children build resilience during childhood is something parents are always striving for. How do we help children build resilience during a time when they are experiencing the ongoing stress of a pandemic? Resiliency is being able to bounce back from stress, challenge and adversity. When children are resilient they are more able to be brave, curious, adaptable and extend their reach into the world. Resilience can be nurtured in all children.
During times of stress or adversity the body responds to make us faster, stronger and more alert. Stress hormones (cortisol and adrenaline) are released and our heart rate and blood pressure goes up. In the short term this is brilliant but these changes were only ever meant for the short term. The stress response is initiated by the amygdala; the part of the brain responsible for our emotional, instinctive, impulsive responses. It sends messages to the brain to release the stress hormones to help deal with the stress but when the stress is ongoing those physiological changes stay switched on. Over an extended period, they can weaken the immune system, the body and the brain. Stress can also cause the prefrontal cortex (PFC) at the front of the brain to temporarily shut down. It is the control tower of the brain. It is involved in attention, problem solving, impulse control and regulation of emotion. These are known as “executive functions”. Sometimes this is a good thing, like when you need to flee a dangerous situation, but not when you are having an emotional meltdown and trying to solve a problem. Resilience is related to the capacity to activate the prefrontal cortex and calm the amygdala. When this happens the physiological changes that are activated by stress begin to abate allowing the body to recover and adapt to and find a solution to stress, challenge and adversity. There is an easy to understand model to explain this to even young children called “The Hand Model” developed by Dr. Daniel Siegel This involves using your hand to represent the brain. With your open palm facing out, curl your thumb into your palm. Your thumb represents the amygdala (their emotional brain). Your fingers represent the PFC (their thinking brain), curling over the amygdala as you close them over your thumb. Children can learn that when the amygdala is activated under stress they can end up “flipping their lids”. This is when the fingers fly open and the emotional brain has taken over. The idea is to learn strategies to calm the emotional brain and close the thinking brain back over the amygdala. Very young children need help to calm the amygdala. Their prefrontal cortex is in the early stages of development so they do not yet have the thinking abilities of older preschoolers.
Children will have different ways of showing when the demands of the stress that they are experiencing outweigh their ability to cope. They might become emotional, they might withdraw, or they might become defiant, angry or resentful. Even the most resilient child will have days when it all gets to be too much. Building resiliency is not about clearing all obstacles out of their way, but helping them to learn strategies to deal with adversity.
Resiliency is about relationships. The most important thing you can do to support children to be resilient is to build warm, loving relationships with them, something parents have already been doing throughout this pandemic. It is the presence of responsive adults that protects children from the negative physiological changes that are activated by stress.
Give your child attention when they seek it. Be fully present with your child and really listen to them. Take time to read, play sing and talk every day.
Help your child learn how to cope with stress. Teach them about the body’s stress response using Dr. Siegel’s Hand Model so they can understand and learn ways to calm the amygdala. Even young children can learn mindfulness. For example; take bear for a ride. Younger children may enjoy this simple mindfulness technique for bringing attention to their breath. Ask your child to find their favourite small soft toy. Lay flat on the floor and invite them to put the soft toy on their tummy. Set a timer for two minutes and ask them to watch how the toy moves up and down as they breathe in and out. This simple act of noticing the movement allows your child to remain “in the moment” for more than one moment. Help children practice gratitude and kindness. Both are win-win for well-being.
Strengthen their executive functioning by establishing routines, engaging in creative play, providing outlets for exercise and providing opportunities for them to make their own decisions.
Increase their exposure to people who care about them. Social support is associated with higher positive emotions, self-esteem, optimism and resilience. During this pandemic social support continues to be critical.
Model resiliency. Imitation is a powerful way to learn. Let children see that disappointments, sadness and adversity are a normal part of life and that they can be overcome. Our strength will help keep them strong.
Written by Joyce Williams, Parent Support Coach
Sources:
https://www.heysigmund.com/building-resilience-children/
https://www.heysigmund.com/5-simple-ways-build-resilience-well-children-dr-hazel-harrison/