Don’t “Should” On Yourself

“I should be able to keep my house clean.”
“I should work out.”
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“I should want to spend more time with my children.”
“I should be more appreciative.”
“I should be able to cook healthy meals every night.”

These “should or shouldn’t” phrases eat away at us almost everyday.  We expect so much from ourselves every single day.  We put so much pressure to be better.  To do better.  To do more.  But why? 

This phrase is commonly known as “Shoulding On Yourself.” 

We are taught or led to believe that if we don’t push ourselves, if we don’t force ourselves to keep going, or to do more, we will become these lazy people that everyone will judge.  So we push and push and become so mentally exhausted that it does the exact opposite to what we wanted in the first place.

We compare ourselves to other parents.  We compare what people intentionally show off on social media, and then we look inward to ourselves, our mess, our chaos, and feel inadequate and lazy.  We then beat ourselves up emotionally and mentally thinking that we don’t have it together like everyone else.  That we are doing everything wrong. 

We want to live the way other people are living.  We can be left feeling drained, angry, and resentful. 

Let’s change the narrative in our heads.  Instead of saying “I should…” try, “What do I want to do?” or when you feel that “should” word start to form in your mind, ask yourself, “Do I really want to, or do I feel like I should?”

Then sit back and listen.  Really listen to your answer.  It might be incredibly difficult at first, but just try.  The more you listen to your inner voice, the more you begin to trust it.  Then day by day, it becomes easier. 

Write down those “shoulds”, and get them out of your head.

Then, slowly but surely, feel that weight being lifted off your shoulders - all that pressure to compare and to feel like you have to be like everyone else and to do what everyone else is doing. Just do you.

Don’t let comparison and the “should” rob you of your own joy.

Written by Paula Dibbits, RECE, Parent Support Educator